Like everyone else, I spent the fifteen bucks to buy the same game I bought four times already (normal, turbo, super, super turbo), and I thought it would be fun, because it’s fun for everyone else, and it almost is fun for me too, but there’s a major obstacle getting in the way of my enjoyment.
It turns out I SUCK at Street Fighter.
What’s worse is, I have no desire to improve. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be better, I want to win, I want to get my online rank up, and I want to get those achievement points just like any good pod person, but that doesn’t mean I want to change my strategy. I like my strategy. When I experiment with other strategies (strategies that could actually sometimes allow for a win), it doesn’t feel like I’m playing Street Fighter.
Here’s my strategy:
1. I pick Ryu. I always pick Ryu. I ignore that there are even other characters to choose from, and pretend that I’m just playing Street Fighter Mythologies: Ryu. I achieve a sense of variety by choosing different color palettes for my costume.
2. As soon as the match starts, I jump at my opponent and press a kick button. This move rarely lands, as somehow they always kick me first, or uppercut me, or shoot fire at me, or something. But I do it anyway, everytime.
3. I run away and throw hadokens. Only, well, I suck, so randomly, as I try to shower my opponent with hadokens, I do that “sharooken” shit or whatever-the-fuck he yells where he jumps in the air and uppercuts. Only there’s never anyone there, so it’s kind of just a celebration dance that ends in me getting kicked in the face (see above image).
4. And lastly, I lose.
Anyway, I hope to see you online. Maybe I can help you improve your rank on the online leaderboards. You know, by losing to you.
