Would you like to play a game?
Curtis: All right, Gratuitous Space Battles. I like spaceships, and you’re a game about spaceships fighting each other. Let’s play, shall we?
GSB: Excellent, Curtis. Would you like to play a brief tutorial first?
Curtis: Sure, that would be great. Tutor me!
GSB: Click on ships to place them in the battlefield. When ships are placed in the battlefield, you can give them orders to determine their behavior. Press “Start” to begin the battle.
Curtis: All right, I’ve got some ships set up. Let’s start!
GSB: Battle commencing.
Curtis: Can I control my ships?
GSB: …
Curtis: Uhmmm…I guess not? Well, my big ships are making mincemeat of the smaller enemy ships. I think they’re almost done taking down that big enemy ship. Is that enemy ship almost dead?
GSB: …
Curtis: Can you tell me how many hit points that ship has?
GSB: …
Curtis: Can you show me at least vaguely how much damage the enemy ship has taken?
GSB: …
Curtis: Okay,well it’s dead now. There’s only two more big ships, and a bunch of tiny little fighters. If my big ships just gang up on the enemy big ships–
GSB: …
Curtis: WHY ARE MY BIG SHIPS FOCUSING ON THE TINY FIGHTERS??? THEY SHOULD BE ATTACKING THE BIG ENEMY SHIPS THAT ARE ATTACKING THEM!!!
GSB: No need to get emotional, Curtis. You should set your priorities differently before battle. You can choose specific behaviors for your ships.
Curtis: Okay, let’s do that. So let’s start over, and set up the ships better. Continue reading
Adam Dorsey
Curtis Retherford
