Ah, Steam. Your specials arrive and entice me to play video games I had long ago given up the idea of ever playing.
For instance, Mirror’s Edge. The previews looked awesome; I was excited. But then, by the time it came out, I was busy playing Left 4 Dead. Who needs to be a goth chick who runs around when you can be a normal chick who kills zombies? No one. So I pretty much forgot about Mirror’s Edge until Steam’s recent Holiday Sale. At $5, I figured I may as well give it a download.
The plot of Mirror’s Edge is…something. You run on buildings, because that’s your job. I think. Oh, and someone gets killed. And your sister’s a cop. To be honest, I didn’t try to hard to follow most of it, partly because I accidentally clicked through some cutscenes (more on that later). Your name is Faith, and you are are a Runner in a futuristic metropolis designed by IKEA. I assume it was designed by IKEA, because everything is white, with the occasional brightly colored hallway or door. It may have also been designed by the same people who designed the Progressive Insurance commercials with the peppy white girl wearing too-red lipstick.
There are only a few jobs available to people in this futuristic city. If the Ravers and Goths rejected your fashion choices as “a little too much,” or your awkward face tattoos prevent gainful employment, then you can become a runner. If you have really, really bad aim, you can become a cop. If you have really, really bad aim, are nearsighted, and have the reaction time of a dead sloth, then you can become a sniper. If you like repeating yourself and offering vague bits of “help,” such as “don’t get shot!” or “get out of there!” then you can become a Radio Guy. (I’m sure he has a name, but I don’t know it. Radio Guy talks to you throughout the entire game, “guiding” you. I hate him more than I hate the dog in Duck Hunt.) If you are not any of those things then you can drive a white minivan, far in the background. Continue reading
Adam Dorsey
Curtis Retherford
